Just lately, I've been feeling depressed; a mixture of guilt and hopeless on account of my increasing inability to care for my mother. Physically, she is in good shape and despite finding showering her difficult, on account of arthritis in my hands, I keep her clean and well fed. It's the emotional/psychological side of things that I can't handle: the constant repetition of the same phrase; setting the table for five when there's only two of us; talking about people who don't exist and asking for her mother. It sounds so trivial, when I write it down. The worst thing of all is my lack of freedom to move. She constantly forgets where I am when I'm in, so is even more confused if I go out. After an incident last Saturday, I'm now locking the outer porch door when I go out, although I don't Like doing it. When I went out on Saturday afternoon, she locked outside and had the next-door neighbour going up and down the road looking for me. She (the neighbour), who had her in and gave her several cups of tea, said that Mum shouldn't be left on her own. That was what decided me that it had to be residential care.
Yesterday, I visited a care home which is only half a mile away from where we live. It's in a listed Victorian building, and there are only 20 residents, who all seem to be pretty good physically, like Mum. The room Mum would have has recently been refurbished and is light, bright and overlooks the garden. She's going to spend a day there next Wednesday, when she will be assessed. I do feel that this would be the best solution for both of us, and it would give her the company that she seems to be looking for.
4 comments:
There are no easy or perfect solutions Carole. Been there, done that. It was a heartbreaking, incredibly stressful time for me and for my mom when we faced similar challenges to the ones you are currently at. My heart goes out to you and your mom. Do the best you can, enjoy all the time you have and make sure as much as you can that your mom is truly safe, if she does move to any facility. Not to worry you but they are not all what they appear on the outside or in the middle of the day. Take care, G
Geraldine, I'm so sorry you have had a bad experience. I have been feeling stressed for some time, but mum is thankfully blissfully unaware of the situation. The care home where she is going to spend the day has people there on a month's trial initially, which I think is a good idea.
From years of experience, I found out the hard way that what appears to be is not always the real story (and this of course pertains to so many of life's experiences). Wishing your mom a happy and safe time in her new home and your continued support and care will make all the difference. Huggs to both of you, G
www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
Carole, sounds heartbreaking, but you've got to do what suits everyone. The people that it affects the most are those who do the caring. I hope the facility works out well for you.
Now I understand why you've not been on the blog much lately - keep well!
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